Can our past become our present?
Do you ever wonder if your ancestors had anything to do with the person you are today? I’ve often reflected on the way I dealt with things in my life, my choice of friends, my personality traits, my self-esteem and even my perseverance, and if they were similar to those from my family tree.
A few weeks ago, someone called me a hybrid – a person whose background is a blend of two diverse cultures or traditions. On my first visit to Poland, family often commented on my looks. My dark hair and brown eyes weren’t akin to my Polish family. But as my father isn’t Polish there are two sides to every coin. So who had gifted me with that dark hair and dark brown eyes? I knew it didn’t come from my northern ancestors, it came from the south – from the beautiful island of Mali Losinj, Primorje Gorski in the Adriatic Sea. The man responsible was Tomaso Giovanni Tarabochia, born in 17th March 1852, a Croatian. In the mid-1870s he escorted his sister to New Zealand to marry another local Croatian, from the Vella family in Paramata. Tomaso never returned, instead choosing to marry an Irish woman by the name of Elizabeth Frances Hickey. Together they brought up a family of five in a very small house on the hills of Wellington, in Holloway Road. Often when walking in the Valley I imagine them all sitting on the steps, laughing and talking of their homeland. Their daughter Kate was my grandmother, and her son Raymond James was my father. We were two peas in a pod with our dark hair and brown eyes. I think this Irish and Croatian couple also gave me my love of socialising and travelling, storytelling, and my sense of humour, while the Polish side gave me my determination and resilience. One side – hot and fiery, the other side – cool and calming. So I think this worked out very well for me.
It’s these stories that enrich our lives and give us a sense of belonging to something bigger. Many of our ancestors left their homeland knowing they would never return. Standing in that field in Belarus, which was once home to many of my family members, I was moved to tears. My mother never returned but I had, just 80 years later. I went not only for myself, but for her – tracing my family’s footsteps has made me feel more grounded and given me a glimpse into my past. But there is still so much more I want to see. One day I will make the journey to the small Adriatic Island in the sun to see for myself what Tomaso left behind in 1870, and be amongst the other dark haired and brown eyed Croatians. Now our family is scattered around the world, reconnecting makes me realise how lucky I am to share the same DNA with these people, our pasts now always intertwined. We are planning on meeting in Europe next year to celebrate our past, to toast our present, and plan our futures – and most importantly – compare the stories passed down by each of our parents. They say it takes seven generations before a person really identifies with the country they were born in to, and that could be said for me, and my continual curiosity about life. For me, I am glad I am hybrid, because my life is so much richer for it. Something to think about – “You have to know where you came from to know where you are going”.
